I’ll never forget that trip to the mall. My sisters and I weren’t searching for anything in particular. We were doing what we typically did at the mall, browsing windows and bargain hunting. I can’t remember exactly how old I was, probably close to twenty.
In one of the stores we browsed, we noticed a blond wig. It reminded us of a certain type of girl. We all tried it on and, for a few minutes, joked about being ready for headquarters.
By headquarters, we were of course referring to Hinsdale, Illinois, where Bill Gothard led the IBLP ministry. Why was it funny to say that a blond wig qualified us to work there? Because for years, people in our circles talked about how Bill Gothard liked to surround himself with pretty girls.
We all talked about how they were nicknamed “Gothard’s girls.” They ranged from teenagers to women in their midthirties. Most of them had long, blond hair, big smiles, and petite body types. Many came from single-parent homes, without a father or grandfather to guide and protect them. When they joined IBLP and met Gothard, they found someone who presented himself as the father they never had.
Other Gothard girls were daughters of parents who devoted their lives to following his principles. One girl said her parents thought of Bill Gothard as a modern-day apostle Paul.1 Another talked about what an honor it was to be in his presence. This young woman’s parents had decided to have more kids because of Gothard’s seminars, so in a way, she owed her life to him.2
At the time, the joke in the mall didn’t seem like that big of a deal. Everyone knew about Gothard’s girls. For us, this wasn’t more than an odd quirk of our little world. Now, after everything that’s happened over the past ten years, I realize the joke wasn’t funny. It’s disturbing that an older man insisted on surrounding himself with young girls, some of whom were still minors. And he did so in the name of service to God.
Those poor girls. They had no idea what they were getting into.
Most of Gothard’s girls first crossed paths with their hero at IBLP events. One recalled meeting him at a seminar in Knoxville, Tennessee. She said, “It was something you dreamed about—meeting Bill Gothard in the flesh. It was like the president of the United States tapping you on the shoulder. You don’t expect it. In our world, the conservative, homeschool world, he was everything. There were hundreds of people there waiting to touch the hem of his garment.”3
Gothard would compliment these young girls’ “bright countenance.” He would smile and say something nice about their outfits or demeanor. He would make them feel special, set apart from the hundreds of girls at the conference.
I remember one time watching him treat a girl this way at an IBLP conference. I was in a hallway that Gothard was walking through. He nodded his head and smiled at everyone as he passed. But when he saw this particular girl, he stopped, and compliments gushed out of him. He told her she had a radiant countenance. He told her how much he appreciated her smile. I thought this was completely normal. He had said nice things to me from time to time. It was always a great honor to get such encouraging feedback from Gothard. I had even sent him thank-you letters after visits to headquarters or IBLP conferences. I thanked him for taking the time to speak with me and shared that I owed my life to him as the sixth Duggar kid. If my parents had decided to stop having children when most Americans did, I wouldn’t exist.
Even though I had several interactions with Gothard through the years, I never experienced what a lot of Gothard’s girls did. With them, he would insist that God had a special plan for their lives. Then, as many of these girls testified later, he would ask them to have a private conversation with him, where he would insist they join the team at the IBLP headquarters. At an event in Indianapolis, he told a girl he’d just met he wanted her to come with him that night to Chicago.4 This was an incredible honor for these young ladies. For most of them, it was a dream come true. Living and working in Chicago, near Gothard, was a sign of God’s favor and blessing.
IBLP had offices around the country, and a few overseas, but since the 1970s, the ministry’s headquarters were just outside Chicago. They had a series of buildings, including an old hotel they’d converted into dormitories. That’s where these young ladies lived. Many were too young to be paid, so they would spend a few months or even a year “volunteering.” Some would prepare meals for the staff. Others would work in the print shop and process the mail or clean and organize files. Most of them would help organize and lead Gothard’s programs, including the annual conferences and Journey to the Heart. He would even take them on his ministry trips overseas.
It was the kind of work outside the home that was forbidden among IBLP families. There was something deeply ironic and hypocritical about all the young ladies staffing the organization’s national offices. They were only allowed to work outside the home at the center of the movement that forbade them from working outside the home. Though interactions with the opposite sex were heavily regulated (the young ladies and men were not allowed to speak with one another in the lobby of IBLP headquarters), these young women could spend plenty of time alone with Gothard.
Former Gothard girls have described late-night conversations with this father figure. After the IBLP staff would leave for the day, Gothard—who often stayed late because he did not have a wife or children to go home to—would ask one of the young ladies to come see him. At first, the two would only talk. After a while, Gothard would rub the women’s feet and hold their hands, both of which were strictly forbidden between a man and woman who were not married. A lot of Gothard’s girls have said that Gothard would touch them inappropriately or engage in explicitly sexual activity. Ten of those ladies filed a lawsuit against Gothard in 2016. I don’t want to describe all the awful things they accused him of. You can read about them in a Washington Post article from 2016.5 But if true, Gothard should be permanently disqualified from ministry.
Allegations against Gothard started to surface in 2012, four years before the lawsuit, on a website called Recovering Grace. It was run by former IBLP members who had negative experiences with Gothard’s teaching or claimed to be abused by him. The website says they started Recovering Grace “with a desire to expose the destructive effects of the teachings of Bill Gothard and the organizations he founded, that generations of former followers might find understanding, hope, and healing.”6
I remember hearing about Recovering Grace when it launched. I was a teenager at the time—still deeply committed to Gothard’s teaching—so I was sure the people running the website were lying. I thought they were probably agents of Satan, sent to destroy Gothard and his teaching because he was anointed by God to bring sanity and truth back into our culture.
One year, Recovering Grace rented a billboard in Nashville, right next to the campus where I and hundreds of others were gathering for the annual ATI conference. The billboard took a clever approach to reaching people like me. In big, bold letters it said, “Welcome ATI Families,” then it gave the website address for Recovering Grace. They were trying to get attendees to go to their website. I did not go to their website because I was horrified by the billboard. I shook my head in pity at the people behind the message. They had rejected Gothard’s seminars. Trying to destroy such wonderful teaching was far worse than never hearing it at all. I thought, They just don’t know. I felt the kind of self-righteous pity that looks more like self-satisfaction. I was confident they were wrong about Gothard and his principles.
Two years after Recovering Grace began posting stories of abuse, the number of accusers had grown so much they were impossible to ignore. More than thirty women had come forward. The IBLP board of directors had no choice but to listen to the accusations against Gothard. They launched an internal investigation and put him on administrative leave. He offered to step down, but the board unanimously refused to accept his resignation. When Gothard submitted his resignation a second time on March 5, 2014, the board accepted it.7 Three months later, they insisted that “no criminal activity has been discovered” during the investigation. However, they did call Gothard’s actions “inappropriate.”8 At the time of his resignation, they had not talked to any of the more than thirty women who accused Gothard of sexual misconduct.9
This 2016 lawsuit wasn’t the first time Gothard was accused of wicked, predatory behavior by a young lady involved with IBLP. In the late 1970s, years before most of these women were born, Bill Gothard’s brother Steve was working at a retreat center the organization ran in Michigan. Steve had multiple affairs with female staffers. Bill knew about his brother’s immoral behavior, but, according to staff at the retreat center, he did nothing about it.10 When Steve’s abuse went public in 1980, so did Bill’s inaction. Board members and other leaders at IBLP forced Gothard to resign. Yet he was reinstated in just a few weeks. The reasons behind the dismissal and quick reinstatement are lost to history. Investigations have tried to figure out why Gothard was so quickly reinstated, but there is no documented explanation for why he became president again so soon. What is clear is that from that point on, his control over the organization was stronger than ever.11
Gothard never admitted to doing anything wrong during the 1980 case beyond “‘defrauding’ several women” and mishandling the situation with his brother.12 But thirty-six years later, he did confess to inappropriate behavior toward the women who were suing him. An undated letter from Gothard that one of the women showed the court during the 2016 lawsuit read: “I was very wrong in holding hands, giving hugs, and touching their hair and feet. I was also wrong in making statements that caused emotional turmoil and confusion.” The letter also described what he did as “sin.”13
The court did not convict Gothard, and the lawsuit was dropped in 2018. The ten plaintiffs didn’t see the point in continuing because the statute of limitations made it impossible for Gothard to be convicted.14 But he did lose his ministry.
When I heard about Bill Gothard’s resignation, I was, of course, stunned. I had just started to figure out that the faith of my youth was incomplete. I was in the middle of those conversations with Ben, Jessa, and the Seewalds that would guide me toward a richer, God-centered view of Scripture and the Christian life. I still had a high view of Gothard, but I was starting to question what I’d always been taught. I knew I could no longer focus exclusively on the ministry of one man. Here’s what I wrote in my journal at the time:
Today, we are in Big Sandy for the family conference. It is a different conference this year with Mr. Gothard not here. God is good and many people continue to come. I believe that it’s an even greater awakening to the importance of not following a man but looking only to Jesus.
A decade after Gothard resigned from IBLP, he still insists that many of the charges against him are false, even publicly denying wrongdoing on his website.
After 50 years of giving seminars on Basic Youth Conflicts in major cities across America, and in other nations, with over two and a half million attending, a website was established with the stated purpose of destroying me and the ministry. One of the founders of the website wrote, “As long as Bill Gothard is at the helm, nothing will change.”
The founders of this website recruited young women who had been part of the ministry twenty years earlier and convinced them that I had “sexually harassed” them. These same women had written marvelous letters of gratefulness to me during those 20 years, thanking me for “being their best friend,” “bringing about the turning point” in their lives, and “giving the help and encouragement” that they will always remember. There was never a hint of harassment because there was none.15
And Gothard hasn’t stopped working. He regularly publishes books, articles, and curriculums with the same health and wealth message he’s always preached. He credits his good works as the cause of God’s blessing and the secrets that God has revealed to him in recent years as the cause of his successful Christian life. Everything, even his relationship with God, is still about his success.16
Gothard insists he should still be in charge of IBLP. The leadership at the organization have decided he is not above reproach, but he is still a valuable Bible teacher. That’s why his resources and profile are still available on their website. Meanwhile, dozens of women have charged him with sexual harassment.17 The sheer number of women is overwhelming, and I think their testimonies are too consistent to deny.
In light of these accusations, I want to share how IBLP approached the issue of sexuality and created an unhealthy culture for men and women. I see three major problems with their approach.
First, I don’t believe IBLP’s view of sex is biblical. The Bible teaches that intimacy within marriage is not only acceptable, it’s good. It’s a gift. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Young people need someone who will help them understand that.
I worry that many young men and women who learn Gothard’s principles are not learning what the Bible actually says about sex and marriage. Because they are sheltered from the topic, they see sex as taboo, dangerous, and embarrassing. When that happens, when sexuality becomes the great enemy, it stirs feelings of shame. Making the issue of sex both so powerful that it should be totally avoided and so taboo that it is embarrassing, does not help anyone. In fact, it often encourages young people to hide their desires and live double lives. Sadly, in my experience, this is common.
Second, I don’t think Gothard’s views encouraged a healthy treatment of women. Wives were pressured to smile and be upbeat at all times, no matter what they were feeling inside. And they were told to not have any expectations of their husbands.
Here’s one example of a time Gothard encouraged a wife to do just that:
Here’s a woman that has dinner all ready for her husband—six thirty. But no husband. Seven o’clock. Still no husband. Seven thirty. Finally, quarter of eight, the husband comes in. And by that time, she’s hot and the food is cold. And nothing tastes good that night because she said, “He should’ve called me ahead of time if he’s gonna be late. He knows he’s supposed to call me!” So nothing tastes good that night. So then let’s say, the next day, that she follows this very important step: that evening, six thirty no husband. Seven, seven thirty, still no husband. Finally, quarter of eight, the husband comes in and when he comes in, she is thrilled to see him because she wasn’t expecting him at all! Now, I guarantee that he’s gonna be aware of her new attitude. In fact, at first he’ll wonder what she wants and then he’ll wonder how long it’s gonna last and when he sees that attitude lasting, then God will begin to do a work in his life. Again, wives, and anyone under authority, that matter of gratefulness is more powerful, more important than you realize.18
I used to think stories like this were helpful. Now I think they can be dangerous—and hurt a lot of women. Such stories can make them think it’s their job, and theirs alone, to keep the marriage together. In this instance, Gothard was telling wives not to communicate their expectations with their husbands. He was telling them to be passive. Simultaneously, he was saying that the husband bore no responsibility to keep his word and be faithful to his family. The husband was given free rein to behave how he wanted and should only be encouraged by his wife.
I really believe this led to a culture where men felt a lack of consequences for their actions. It’s sad because true leadership is servant leadership. It is leadership that looks like Jesus, who served the church by giving up His life for her. If a man truly wants to lead his wife, he must selflessly serve her by considering her needs and caring for her well-being. This is how Jesus cares for His bride, the church: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).
I’m grateful that Jeremy models that Christlike love in our marriage. He understands his God-given responsibility to me and our children. And he does not expect me to be cheerful and put-together all the time. He doesn’t make me think it’s my responsibility to care for his every need and not ask him to help around the house or serve in any way. As I said previously, he’s often encouraged me to express my feelings and opinions. That’s been hard for me at times. Our marriage has involved a process of me disentangling the truth—that I should respect, love, and honor Jeremy—from the lie that I, and I alone, am responsible for the health and longevity of our marriage.
Third, I have concerns about IBLP’s legalistic approach. While the Bible says the true evidence of righteousness is the presence of the Holy Spirit and the fruit He provides—“love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22–23)—a legalist says the true evidence of righteousness is obeying man-made rules. In Gothard’s world, those rules were wearing the right clothes, listening to the right music, eating the right food, and avoiding wrong activities.
Following man-made rules has the appearance of being righteous. But they have no power to actually transform a life. It’s just like Jesus told the hypocrites in Matthew 23:5: “They do all their deeds to be seen by others,” he warned. “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence” (v. 25). That’s a powerful picture.
True righteous living comes from a heart that has been transformed. But Gothard missed this. And the consequences were devastating. He told us what clothes we had to wear, what our homes had to look like, and how long our hair needed to be. He gave us lists for how to earn God’s favor financially, physically, and relationally. He had the keys to success in the kingdom of God. Or so he thought. But he couldn’t tell us how to truly live a life that honored God because man-made principles are a cheap substitute for true religion. And for Gothard, when you add his personal hypocrisy with his unbiblical teaching, you get the picture of a man who resembles the religious leaders Jesus was speaking to.
I think the message Jesus had for the abusive religious leaders of His day is the same message He has for Gothard. Obsessed with outward appearances and man-made rules, Gothard missed the whole point of following Jesus. Sure, he was able to convince himself and many of his hearers that they were godly because they followed his rules. But there was evidently no actual power in his life and, sadly, in the lives of many who followed him. The uncovering of hypocrisy shows that.
One of the hardest realities in my life is that my brother Josh very publicly displayed some of the same hypocrisy as Gothard. He used his platform, and even his job at the Family Research Council, to promote some of the same ideas Gothard taught. But while he looked the part in so many ways, the true Josh appears to be much different. He was living a lie. Even though he claimed to follow Jesus, his actions gave no evidence of a true love for the Lord, a heart changed by the gospel. Watching all the pain Josh’s sin has caused not only shows me the danger of hypocrisy but also reveals that external religion, a life of performance, has nothing to do with following Jesus. Though I haven’t seen or spoken to Josh in nearly two years, I still pray for him. I ask God to show Josh his desperate need for repentance. I want my brother to be genuine and honest about his sin and reject the hypocrisy that has been part of his life for so long. Only Jesus can save him. False religion and man-made rules never will.
Gothard’s rules can’t transform anyone. They couldn’t even transform him. Only Jesus can do that. What Gothard and my brother Josh need is a new heart that only Jesus can give. That’s what I need. That’s what we all need. Without a new heart, all the outward religious behavior isn’t going to please God.
The fall of Bill Gothard is profound evidence that a ministry built on man’s efforts and external righteousness will crumble. During the 1980s, the heyday of IBLP, he was packing stadiums. Tens of thousands were attending his seminars and IBLP was making millions of dollars from donations, seminars, and literature.19 More than three decades later, the organization now runs only a couple events each year with a few thousand people. The budget has shrunk, with revenue being lost every year. Beyond that, the generation of those raised in the movement, young people like myself, are leaving in droves. They did not find true spirituality there, so they have left IBLP behind.
Time and truth go hand in hand. Given enough time, someone’s true self is bound to come out. It can’t stay hidden forever. When Gothard’s true self was exposed, it disqualified his ministry. The teachings he promised would bring success and victory didn’t. Not even for him. If the proof of effectiveness is in the product, then Gothard’s life proves his principles don’t work.